Things Were Going Too Well. I was Right to Worry

I’m totally numb.

That’s about the only way that can come close to describing what I’m currently feeling.

When I sat at my computer yesterday, getting set to work, I was hit with the news that my work account had been suspended due to a Terms of Use violation; according to them, my account was being used fraudulently.

That’s all I know.

Surely, this is all an error that’ll be quickly rectified, I thought. I appealed the decision but got the same response a day later (today); they’re adamant I exploited their system in order “to gain an unfair advantage.”

What I did, I haven’t a clue. 

And just like that, for reasons I absolutely do not understand, I’m now out of a job. 

I honestly loved what I was doing and making good money to boot. Plus, things were going real well, and my supervisors were happy with my performance; I was convinced things could only get better.  

Last week was when things took a wrong turn, I think. My PC was acting increasingly erratic and giving me problems. It would suddenly lock itself or shut down, doing so without warning until it simply refused to boot up again.

I used my phone to access the messaging app in order to contact my supervisor. This set off a fraud warning, I was told, as the number I used wasn’t the same with which I had applied. I explained that my phone had been suspended due to the financial woes I was in prior to starting, and that, in between applying and beginning to work for them, I had switched to a monthly plan with a different company in order to have a phone, an absolute necessity these days, especially if one is looking for work.

Apparently, this was sorted out, the change was noted in my account, and I was fine.

However, I no longer had a working PC. I wasted no time, found a great deal on a used system and jumped on it. I’d notified my supervisor to ensure that this change would not create similar problems. All’s good, I was told.

I resumed work as normal as soon as I could. I put in two full days, but I did notice a strange shift that forced me back to my dashboard after I’d submitted what was to be my last bit of work for them. I didn’t think much of it given the constant glitches on their platform, and I closed up for the day. 

In the early hours of Wednesday morning (1:17 a.m.), I received an automated message telling me that my account had been suspended. When I woke up Wednesday morning I noticed that I no longer had access to my work dashboard; I then saw the email.

The way everything ties a user to a unit these days, be it a phone or PC, the change in PC and the way I’d quickly set it up to work ASAP, adding my account on top of the admin account that belonged to the previous owner, that's the only thing I can see that could have set off any alarm bells. 

I’m seriously dumbfounded and clueless as to what I could have done to suggest fraudulent activity, and I can only assume that, from their end, they must have noticed a mismatch between the info registered to this PC and my regular account.

We were constantly warned that monitoring is strict and that they don’t kid around—every document is stamped “classified info” and even taking a screenshot of anything could get one in big trouble—but I expected that behind that wall was a bunch of reasonable people who’d work with us to sort out such issues and get to the truth of the matter.

Boy was I wrong, it turns out.  

On top of that, given the reason, they’re withholding what’s owed to me. So, not only have I lost days working for free, even attending an unpaid workshop, I’m suddenly left up shit’s creek without any paddles, my only recourse being an appeal that was denied.

This actually puts me in a worse position than I was in before as I highly doubt that I’ll stumble on another job in the next few days.

My landlord isn’t going to be as forgiving, yet again, I’m sure of that. I’m out on the street for sure now without some solution coming my way fairly quickly.

I knew I had cause to be worried over the fact that things were suddenly going too well, I just knew it!

Right now I'm just numb, but as it's wearing off, I'm feeling myself sinking into heavy depression.

It seems that, no matter what I do, happiness isn't for me, and that, when I do find it, it doesn't matter how hard I try to hold on to it.

I don't know what message I'm meant to get out of this event. Is this a sign that I wasn't yet where I'm meant to be? Is this a sign that, as it was getting less and less of my attention, DMS&UY is meant to be my focus? If so, what am I do make of that as I abruptly find myself with zero revenue and renewed financial commitments re my debts, per the steady income I was expecting?    

I'm deeply confused and feeling lost. Not sure I see a point to anything anymore.

I think this is the last straw for me; I've endured too much shit for too long to make any of it seem worthwhile.