The Overpass

Sigh.

It hasn't been a good week; whatever I was able to sell off pretty much allowed me to survive, covering some needed expenses and letting me feed myself from day to day, and that's it.

While at it, I, too, need to complain about the price of food: Holy crap has it become expensive to eat. And prices keep creeping up, everything rising by several cents every single week so that whatever one could count on being able to eat if armed with $5 or less, one needs a whole other strategy the following week, finding other products to rely on that one can convert into semi-fulfilling quasi-meals that can be stretched over a few days; tasty and satisfying single-meal stuff is far too big a luxury. 

Despite how long ago it now seems, I recall a very recent time when, feeling hungry and lazy or just too busy, I'd simply open up the DoorDash or Domino app and, based on whatever bargain was to be had or points I had available, I'd just order a Shish Taouk platter or a large green pepper, roasted red pepper, pineapple, baby spinach, and onion pizza without a thought. What grand days those were. What I would give to eat either of those right now...

But, back to my peanut-butter-dominated reality: Having to get rid of all your stuff is bad enough; having to leave it all behind, not even being able to generate enough bucks that can provide some peace of mind that allows me to set some direction, that's just plain awful a situation to be in. 

It's hard to qualify what I feel; a maelstrom of emotions ruled by shifting sentiments, none of which I'd categorize as "positive" albeit my efforts to convince myself otherwise. There's guilt, disappointment, regret, and the feeling that time constraints are forcing me to dump all and to miss out on many potential selling opportunities, for, surely, as past attempts to sell personal goods have demonstrated: there's always a "right" buyer willing to pay a worthwhile price; one just has to be patient. Every time I ended up selling something for much lower than what I had hoped to get for it, there came along someone willing to pay what I had in sight just a few days later. But the item was already gone.  

With two days to go, it looks like I'll be forced to face several heartbreaks. Most of these involve highly-personal goods without much value beyond the sentimental ones that are tied to these items. That's where "guilt" comes in, mostly. Or there's valuable stuff that's personal, too, like two Montblanc pens I had, which I was able to sell, but for roughly 15% of their full value. Ditto with some of my watches; I did have a pretty nice collection not too long ago... 

Then there's stuff like the Wedgwood dishes and WMF cutlery I use, which are worth well over $5000 combined, but, starting at $1,200 (dishes only) and lowering my price each day, it now at $180, hasn't generated even one bit of interest from anyone.

That wasn't the case a few years ago when I'd unloaded some "iced-tea spoons" I never used, putting them up for auction on eBay. Right away, two buyers for Replacements kept outbidding each other and I ended up making $320 for 10 spoons. Replacements is a store that buys back registered patterns by reputable makers, thus servicing the guarantee that comes with certain china and cutlery sales, promising buyers that a replacement piece will always be available, no matter how many years from the purchase date, should you break a plate or chip a cup, etc. Replacements doesn't buy from individuals; they only deal with intermediary expert buyers who get perks for finding and delivering the goods to Replacements. Hence, as I learned, it's not rare to see buyers fighting over the same pieces, these willing to go as high as the price offered to them by Replacements, so the perks must be worthwhile, is what I'm guessing.

The china pattern I have, which is bone white with a black band and a real titanium band, is one that Replacements backs, several pieces being available on their site, so I was really hoping to catch the attention of a buyer and negotiate a fairly interesting price... but no such luck. Zero interest. Zilch. I'll be forced to just leave the set behind, though I did consider breaking every piece just for the hell of it. But I can't do it. 

And so, technically, besides being in a bad place, metaphorically, I can't even leave Canada it seems, not having had enough to cover the $140 to $180 needed to acquire a new passport.

That said, I'm still undecided whether to leave on bike or by foot. Both offer pros and cons, and having a bike is always handy. Plus, I love my Cannondale—awesome frame—and I know I won't be able to sell it for a good price right now, anyway, though that'll be a different story once spring finally hits us. I also have a Trek road bike I've been trying to sell, and many have shown interest but still no buyers at $40, but I'm sure I could get $140 for it in May, very easily.

Frustration. That's also a big part of what I'm feeling. Never mind all the other sentiments that current events bring to the fore.

Strange times? 

No, we're past that, I think.

Sigh.

In many ways, and also, because I'm me, I guess it's no surprise that my timing happens to be real bad, and on several levels.

After all, the situation I find myself in certainly isn't the product of a well-functioning and confident economy that sees companies acting per a five and ten-year plan; clearly, no one knows what's to come six months from now, making real-short projects and gig jobs that favour more junior and intermediate workers who are more likely to accept certain forms of exploitation with a smile the preferred hires.

And, with AI, there's a viciously-funny irony at play when one considers that highly-respected fields demanding long years of study are those more likely to be rendered obsolete through AI implementations. 

Sure, trades people may be better off, and with less debt, etc, etc, as conservatives are known to say whenever discussing this or similar topics, but I'll always value quality education no matter what, even if only for the sake of learning. More to the point: Though doctors may see themselves temporarily relegated to 'machine supervisor' roles during initial roll-out phases, personally, I think it's wonderful that none of today's doctors had opted out of their vocation, deciding to flip burgers instead given that Ray Kurzweil had predicted that the tech singularity would occur around 2030, arriving at such by basing himself on Moore's Law, the relationship it establishes being simple enough that even a doctor should be able to understand it.  

And. for those who haven't yet hit their forties: no matter what one is led to think, there comes a time when, want it or not, you're forced to realise that "age" turns into a major negative, detrimentally so if one finds themselves having spent too much time outside of the proper and expected paths, or without the expected holdings and status symbols, these making some problems unimaginable, especially if one betrays any sign of a higher education rather than radiating a 'redneck' quality while belching bigotry, as such would not only warrant any financial hardships faced, it would offer a reassuring sign that all within the universe is properly aligned, as all should be.

I'm 51. And given a whole whack of events and decisions and where this has led me and how that's interpreted along with how the 'system' is set up, geared toward those expectations within proper paths... that age is a huge problem for me, right now, and later on, too.

Plus, I’ve no doubt that my views have played against me on more than one occasion. I didn’t think things through, obviously, or I would have focused on setting money aside before attempting to call attention toward any substantiated truth that’s not in line with the establishment’s desired narrative. It's to be expected these days; certainly, I'm too old to understand.

•       •       • 

Of course, last week we had unseasonably warm weather that reached 15°C; even the nights were relatively mild. Yesterday, Saturday, things started taking a turn, the week's sunny skies now dark grey and heavy, gloom laden; a cold, stinging rain finally fell, ripping the sky as I was on my way back from meeting up with someone who bought my tagine and air-fryer, and still several blocks from my place. Got home soaked.

I had posted adverts last week for an indoor garage sale held today, Sunday. In the middle of the night, the rain turned into a heavy snowstorm that continued intermittently throughout the day. People woke up to a scenic but miserable scene; why go out if one didn't really have to. And one thing I noticed; very few are buying anything lately unless they really have to.

•       •       • 

The last snowstorms always crush one's soul and spirit just a little bit, more so the later it comes. But one always comes right when we've convinced ourselves it's finally over.

Winter.

I hate winter. So very much.

However, I do think that Canada may offer some of the better living conditions should the climate continue to heat up. Well, in the winters, at least; our summers are quickly becoming unbearable and I can't imagine how horrendously-hot certain areas of the globe must be like, especially those without much water, or those seeing their water retreat.

Making our cattle obsession absolutely ridiculous, the 'methane issues' tertiary, the deforestation that usually accompanies beef cattle farming being secondary, water consumption and contamination leading to the depletion or destruction of important aquifers on which many life forms rely on for survival being a primary worry all should share.

But I only mention any of that to avoid having to say: Despite several emails telling me differently in the days prior, not one person showed up.

I'm so screwed...

First off: To all women, with or without a penis, more power to you! And not just on your globally-recognized special day. On Mother's Day, too.

Kidding. But you're welcomed. Now back to the kitchen you go. Hop along. Thank you.

•       •       • 

Been caught up in preparations and had little time to write today, so I'm sharing this, the last improv I did with my beloved guitar before selling it. 

I'd done a "last improv" that's 29 mins long that I had uploaded to SoundCloud, but managed this last, last one before saying a final goodbye.

Sigh.

Fully improvised track, no edits. 
Electric guitar; two loopers; effects.

There's been a major development, maybe, since I last mentioned the "Musk vs. Altman & Brockman et al." lawsuit, senior members of OpenAI firing back the next day with a blogpost aiming to deflate any perception of Elon Musk as a defender of humanity, the cohort convinced they held an indisputable trump card through a "yep" they revealed to the world after disclosing an email exchange.

Along with that came statements and exchanges that are offered to establish that Musk is merely sore and petty, and acting the bully, being upset that OpenAI gained such tremendous value, for which he's not getting a piece. Comments made by Musk belie his true intent, it being gaining control and limiting OpenAI's achievements to Tesla.

Vinod Khosla, who invested $50 million in OpenAI in 2019, accused Musk of "sour grapes" in an X-tweet, also saying: “Like they say if you can’t innovate, litigate and that’s what we have here. Elon of old would be building with us to hit the same goal.” 

There's lots that's been offered to affirm that the suit needs to be dismissed, these assurances coming from the OpenAI post authors and various sectors and groups, mostly from the internet, Musk-hate also being the only thought-out motivation for some of these segments. Otherwise, perhaps sign that, outside of Muskers, the general public isn't too sure what any of it really entails, but... Skynet. In robots or Teslas, it's all bad. Plus, isn't Musk that Neurolink guy?

I don't agree with calls for a dismissal and, though I'm no lawyer, I find those who promote this outcome highly irresponsible, especially if in media and with a large outlet.

In my opinion, no matter how much of an egoist and greedy a-hole Musk may be, and no matter to what degree these qualities may have motivated the lawsuit, he still has a very good case that absolutely deserves to be heard. This is a major precedent, and there won't be another like it; the name "singularity" signifies that.

And, despite myself and views of Musk, I don't believe that his interests and actions were, nor are now, entirely motivated by whatever negative interpretation one may assign to his side of things; he seems to have been fairly consistent on his views regarding AGI, and the risks this presents. 

But nor do I believe that "humanity" and "altruism" are all that lie behind Musk's motivation.

•       •       • 

It's still unclear whether AGI has officially been attained. Legal complexities over who gets to call whether it has been achieved. 

Lets not forget that strange Sam Altman firing that was readily annulled a few days later; no one knows what that was all about still, other than those involved, but there's plenty speculation over the fact that the Q* architecture established transformers as the key, and that AGI is merely limited by the time constraints relating to training, the system now able to generate the synthetic data it requires to train itself...

And, it seems that there's been a breakthrough, token prediction now being replaced by "planning".

A pause and a deep breath while the world considers the implications, that'd be good, I think.

Hopefully, the lawsuit will be used to lay bare much. 

•       •       •

According to WSJ, the UK, the EU, then the US "push[ed] for [the] legal scrutiny of OpenAI," and now, Musk is simply joining in?

What?!

Surely, all is in the reading of "legal scrutiny"; although Musk's qualifies as such, it's of a different shade entirely, is that it? Otherwise, given the links that exist between OpenAI, Microsoft, and key elements of the US establishment, it's hard to believe such scrutiny hasn't been done to their purpose, thus hard to see the logic in what's implied if one considers what's been accomplished on the regulatory front: zilch. Only India made a real effort to get the 'concrete' ball rolling up that hill whose slope is sure to become steeper the longer all wait to set firm global laws—or rules, if one prefers—and restrictions concerning AI developments and applicable spheres. 

Had our species become truly wise in any manner befitting the glorious gift of intelligence we've been granted but love to squander, we'd keep anything near attaining anything resembling AGI far away from the military, rendering such a connection a crime against humanity.

The closing paragraph of a Quartz piece tells us:

Meanwhile, OpenAI’s partnership with Microsoft has been under scrutiny from regulators over its potential threat to market competition in the UK and EU. The AI company is also reportedly being examined by the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) about whether its investors were misled after Altman was fired by the company’s former board of directors in November.

•       •       • 

Tying research efforts under one roof to formalise an open, non-profit, for-the-good-of-humankind approach, Musk officially cofounded OpenAI with Altman in 2015; I wasn't aware until recently: Musk came up with the OpenAI name.

He left in 2018 "over a conflict of interest with the company’s development. The lawsuit claims a breach of contract, breach of fiduciary duty, and unfair business practices." 

Musk launched xAI in July of 2023. The company was said to be "independent from X Corp, but will work with Musk’s other companies: X, formerly Twitter, and Tesla."

Keep in mind that any AI developed within the context of Tesla automatically sets a different approach than the one OpenAI is exploring, Tesla demanding a "real-world" case that can be sandboxed, making AGI something not worth any worry... though all those cars communicating... hmmm.

"Musk filed a lawsuit against OpenAI and its CEO Sam Altman late Thursday (Feb. 29), alleging the ChatGPT-maker’s partnership with Microsoft betrays its founding commitment to benefiting humanity over generating profit."

Here's the lawsuit 

Here are some very important passages contained within it (image below).

I agree that the code should not be "open source" beyond a certain point, but I wholeheartedly believe that OpenAI should offer complete transparency as concerns milestones and implications, and that profit should never be allowed to dominate over this sphere, certainly not during this phase, at least.

Just with what's below, Microsoft's maneuvering and decision to go private rather than encourage a global consortium of sorts to partake in this contradicts any claims made by the relevant corporate heads in regard to their desire to see a "global regulatory body" or "global government" ruling over such matters. 

Stuff.

Not even close to all I’ve to get rid of…

Too many books (five other large bookcases that aren't seen).

And so many ties, too. How did I end up with 68 of them? I've one neck.

And I won't get to finish the painting on the easel, plus a few others.

 •       •       •

I’m trying to make sure I eat all I have, leaving no food behind when I lock the door behind me for the last time, but I already took care of that last week.

I kid. I still have just under half of a 10-lb bag of Pakistani Basmati rice, but I also have a full bag of buckwheat flour—both cost just over $10 each—with which I can make pancakes for at least a month were I to eat just that everyday. Such a staple isn’t something I’m likely to use, but it’s a trick I learnt in April-2022, before starting the job I was laid-off from, as I’d gone through all else, even those old cans of weird or unknown stuff that may seem good in the lentil soup I kept adding things to and stretched for a week, eating a different coloured version of the same soup each day, until I was left with only a bag of regular, bleached flour.

And mustard.

Turns out that mustard on pancakes is actually quite good. Especially if using whole-wheat flour, which I was lucky enough to get my hands on at some point… but only because I got on the stool and had a look to see if I’d missed any crumbs on that top shelf. Finding that 1 Kg bag… no birthday present I’ve ever received provided as much joy as that flour, I don’t think. Sadly, I hardly had any mustard left by then.

Sigh.

Also good is a peanut butter, cheddar, and red onion sandwich on rye bread. Regular bread and onions can do the trick if on a real tight budget, with Kraft plastic cheese slices (beurk) being an option depending on the week’s sales. If on a budget similar to mine, bread-like and peanut butter-ish with an imaginary No-Name version of Kraft slices and make-believe onion powder is the recipe for you.

No worries. With whatever little I have left from selling my guitar—it’s not a seller’s market, right now, I tell ya; I haven’t unloaded anything significant yet, though this weekend may yield better results—I was able to get a new, medium-sized jar of grocery-branded peanut butter and the store’s bargain bread, which is usually a foot longer than all other sandwich breads and at least fifty cents cheaper, too, though it’s eerily ‘square’ and too evenly cut for anything natural.   

Cheap-ass bread; the kind you never buy because it tastes like cardboard, but tasty cardboard when really hungry, and, eventually, it starts to taste like cardbread and, finally, just like bread, until someone slips you a slice of the real stuff and you’re, like, “Holly Molly! I'd forgotten what real bread tastes like! The stuff I’m eating is worse than cardboard!”

How easily we forget.

I’m not there yet!

 •       •       •

By the way: that GoFundMe link may not work; they paused the account as any mention of perks are not allowed. I fixed it, I think. But weird things then happened resulting in a notif telling me that "edits" aren't allowed. Not sure if "unpaused" or what the status is. Not sure I want an account with them, anyhow. I was lazy... They're all all the same to me. If you really want to help out there's Buy Me a Coffee or PayPal, accessible through the "Open" button at the top, and the "Support" link. 

But maybe I do need to suffer a tad; not set off so easy.

Plus, I want to establish a clear goal leading, hopefully, to a self-sustained, self-sufficient affair if set amounts are invested, both for charity and to cover ops. That said, albeit irrelevant at present, I make the pledge that, should any donations or collected fees exceed $25,000/yr, my personal salary shall not be greater than that amount; some expenses must be weighed in, but the surplus is to be invested/spent per whatever strategy is deemed best (I'm hoping an expert will handle such matters at that point; if I never have to touch the stuff, I'll be happy. But you can trust I'll be checking for funny business at least twice a week.). A voting process seems appropriate re certain financial directions, charities, etc. 

Here's one of my all-time favourite songs, which is also the name of Murray Head's 1975 album, Say It Ain't So, Joe.

That, combined with the sentiment it captures and expresses and our current times, never mind the "Joe" part, is why I share it. I was gonna say something about it similar to what's below, but the song's artist beat me to it, I guess?

The Wikipedia entry for the song offers:

According to Head, he wrote the song about fallen heroes. He wrote the following comment in the liner notes when he re-released the song in 1995 on the album When You're in Love:

"Say It Ain't So, Joe" was provoked by a seventies documentary on Richard Nixon prior to his resignation. The presenter was asking the editor of a small town newspaper outside Washington, how, in the face of conclusive evidence and proof, his readers could still show such undying support for the president they elected. The editor likens the situation to a scandal in the twenties, when Joe Jackson, the famous baseball player, was rumoured to have taken a bribe to sink his team in the final of the World series. His fans hung around the stadium chanting "Say it ain't so Joe".

The song is about heroes and their "Clay feet". It is also a plea from myself to the kind of 'Joe Public' who in fear of losing face, refuse to relinquish their faith in a fallen idol.

The song is on an album which has sold over a million copies and was produced by Paul Samwell-Smith, who recently decided to re-record the song. Shortly afterwards I was watching another documentary on the O.J. Simpson case and they showed a note pinned to his gate on which was written "Say it ain't so Joe". Two days later a friend, just returned from L.A., rang me to tell me they'd seen placards with that same old phrase. The occasion seemed apt for a re-release.

- Murray Head, 1994

I suggest giving "When I'm Yours" a listen as well, which is another superb tune on that album.

On a more positive note, here's "Everything's Alright" featuring Yvonne Elliman, Murray Head, and Ian Gillan, lead singer of the significant hard-rock vehicle, Deep Purple ("Child in Time"... wow).

It's from Jesus Christ Superstar, the only Andrew Lloyd Webber/Tim Rice rock-opera I can fully stomach, perhaps because it was initially conceived as a concept album rather than a Broadway fanfare. Some really great tracks off of the 1970 album, which is the only version I can listen to.

Kyrsten Sinema AND Victoria Nuland announcing their retirement on the same day?!

Well, I'll be. Maybe there is a god?

What's that? Nope. Sorry. Without clearer proof, "maybe" is the best you'll get from me on that topic, but only because I refuse to adhere to any one group's version of a god.

My own God, however, totally hates me. That, I believe. Time for a reformation, maybe?  

I didn't follow up on Sinema's case but I'm assuming that the local venom got to her, but the corporate dollars were there to console her? Despite some having pinned her as a moderate-centrist tethered to a non-crazy reality, that's not quite what I or many see. Rather, she essentially betrayed her party and blocked what the Dems had clearly made their campaign promises, deceiving and disappointing many, though she got richer because of it. Her position between the two poles hardly matters past that.    

Nuland, however, that's a surprise. Not sure what to think about her decision yet other than "get out before the crap really hits the fan."

•       •       •

Trump.

But, Nikki. Still.

Something odd there. Hope she's not slated to be the next Sec. of State or Defense Queen, or anything like that.

•       •       •

Unfortunately, being the beings we are entails a course along the lines of the one that I feared, and quicker than we all expected, it would appear. I'm speaking of AGI.

There seems to be some confusion—which I share—in regard to which milestones have been crossed, hence, Elon Musk suing Sam Altman is something I applaud, I think... from what I can gather.

The problem: It really is unclear whether or not AGI has been achieved or if it's to be achieved within three months, or two to three years. Frankly, even the latter would be way ahead of the time frame in which most expected to see the technological singularity materialise.

Personally, I expected a loud pop or large flash along with the event, maybe a fetus appearing in the night sky, next to a monolithed moon, who knows?  

I'm now limited in regard to internet access and can't really check everything out, but I did see a headline that was meant to be taken as Altman announcing that ChatGPT 5.0 is full AGI. Given how these things go and that one is taking a gamble by assuming that a headline's intended interpretation matches the article's content, that may not be the case, but it's clear that full transparency isn't what's been offered, until after the fact.

Any which way, and although I'm not certain that Sam Altman deserves all of the blame, Musk's suit should be stamped Humanity vs. OpenAI, Microsoft, US Gov. et al.

The next step in our evolution that this singularity entails isn't one that should be rushed into in isolation, and certainly not within a global atmosphere that's teetering on the brink of a full-scale war.

You can bet that war efforts are what's feeding the true motivation to fund such hubris, by-passing all that shouldn't despite Altman's claims that safeguards are being carefully implemented. If for war, machines will learn how to best kill. Can we really contain that past that point?  

Previously discussed but here it is again: the 2023 756-page "Final Report" by the National Security Commission on Artificial Intelligence, which is chaired by Eric Schmidt, of Google fame.

•       •       •

There's a data problem. What's needed to train the system "doesn't exist". Synthetic data is what all are finding themselves having to rely on.

I'm still unsure what could be, realistically, the potential ramifications of that.

•       •       •

Gemini 1.5 Pro not only solved the needle-in-a-haystack test, it achieved 99.7% recall pushed to 10 million tokens within a context window of up to 1 million.

Beats the pants off of humans. Socks and undies, too.

I'm not sure how OpenAI's Q fares in comparison, but the Q system architecture is, apparently, the key that accelerated matters.

In medical spheres is where humans are quickly becoming embarrassments to the field.

•       •       •

A 4-Feb-2024 Wall Street Journal opinion piece by Andy Kessler called "Power Corrupts, Absolutely" clearly established just how ridiculously-obsessive and deluded by a belief in free-market magic that a segment of right-wing libertarians manage to be.

Kessler begins with:

...OpenAI CEO Sam Altman suggested that a “global regulatory body” was needed to monitor artificial intelligence. This is a colossally dumb idea. But Mr. Gates doubled down: “If the key is to stop the entire world from doing something dangerous, you’d almost want global government.” Wait, global what? ... In fact, of his 2023 world tour meeting heads of state, Mr. Altman noted, “there was almost universal support for it.” Well of course there was. Demand for power is insatiable. (Microsoft is a major investor in OpenAI.)

The article sees Kessler make the same, tired argument regarding "government bad" without really establishing the fact or considering the difference between "a bad government", "government bad", and "efficient government" beyond some vague notion relating to "size".

He affirms that "[g]overnments don’t like to govern, but they like to control. Human freedom always takes a back seat" while being "reminded of something P.J. O’Rourke told [him] in 2009" about government always wanting to tell others what to do, O'Rourke's conclusion for this behaviour being: "Government is just a form of bullying for weaklings. Politics is the art of achieving power and prestige without merit.”

In closing, Kessler offers:

I prefer limited government. Spend enough on defense to keep us safe and secure, help the truly downtrodden, do some basic research and then, as Grover Norquist so eloquently suggested, get government “down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub.” For the economy, the government should set the rules of the sandbox, then get out of the way and let markets and competition do their magic.

In Kessler's own words: colossally dumb.

The self-adjusting free-market lunacy is just that, perhaps due to short-term-memory issues or little knowledge of recent history, but deregulation led to deeply corrupt, lobbyist-run  government that's responsible for globally-affecting market crashes and the geopolitical and economic now that people like Kessler do nothing but whine about.

There are some areas that shouldn't be left to magic or idiocy.

And there are areas that demand total, global cooperation. For all.

Seems like today was just one long panic attack.

Turning back is no longer an option, but I surely would have opted to do so today were it still a possibility.

And I've no doubt whatsoever that I'll be heading into this devoid of any encouragement or support, this aspect continually making me reconsider why I should do this, though, I'm well aware: no one forced me to do this.

On top of that, the window I'm left with to prepare all that's needed is far too small; a minimum of one month is what I would have needed to get rid of my stuff in a manner I can feel good about and maximise whatever money I could have potentially made out of selling it all. But, had I not "forced" things, I never would have made the move, I suppose.

If things stay the same, I'm starting my journey barely able to afford a bread, is how things are shaping out. This is what's to be expected; my luck should suddenly change... why?

Plus, I'm a fool for having believed in anyone and having laid any degree of hope whatsoever on some individuals, thinking they may lend a hand helping me get to where I sincerely long to be.   

I'm not whining; I'm voicing a deep disappointment. I only have myself to blame, armed with yet another lesson I've had plenty of to know that I should have known better: never count on anyone, period! 

That said, if I'm to be honest, the closer I get to the 15th, the more I see myself simply heading West and hitting Banff right before the major tourist season opens up, making it easy to find some job that'll allow me to achieve nothing of consequence other than spend as much time as possible within the mountains I so very much love, eventually die on top of one when age makes things real bad, providing, I'm hoping, I won't have to be wheeled up. 

Otherwise, I can't force an interest that appears to be inexistant. As simple as that.

I'm so very tired of fighting alone. Hence, why fight at all?

To be frank, I know I'm wasting my time, but thought I'd give it a try, as any help would provide a huge relief to me as I set off into the world with no safety anchor.

Please take the time to consider what I'm undertaking. It's one hell of a scary situation I've willingly opted to take, by, simply, allowing events to force me on this path.

Also another new for me, as a whole, but, as far as DMSaUY goes: I've never attempted to fundraise previously as asking for any charity does not make me comfortable but, more importantly, I hadn't felt that I could justify such an act. Now I can, and must; failing to offer a 'product' means I wither and die. I didn't become homeless and give up all my comforts and material goods to just drift around and find some meaningless job elsewhere.

Here's the link: https://www.gofundme.com/f/paving-the-street-to-deliver-up-yours (if unavailable: still temporarily "paused" by GoFundMe)

Here's the text:

Howdy!
Whether I was aware of it or not, and whether I acted willingly or not to make it happen, all that is moot as the reality I experience is the same either way: I'm now set to live out my dream, having passed any point of no return. And I'd be lying if I were to say that I'm not totally scared right now.

So, what is the plan?
Taking a leap; attempting to grab some of that happiness I've long sought.
Taking the jump; I've given up any footing and safe space I can call "my place", or "home", having committed to moving out by 15-March-2024, and, now, I'm in the process of getting rid of all I have save what I need to set off on my journey.
Though I'm sure I'll eventually lay my hat somewhere I can call "home", again, I'm breaking free of any holdbacks that may influence one's mobility and perspectives, hence, simply allowing myself to go where a story lies and it may take me, merging with local folks as best as I can in order to tap into regional political sentiments that impact their views on global affairs, especially any conflicts, the last being my primary focus.
I do have India as a target, Cambodia, too. For what and for how long... time will tell, if I do make it out there.

Developments on site functionalities that exploit relevant data and the graph protocol are to be continued, since, after all, besides covering the minimal monthly fees due for the hosting and data storage space I'm utilizing, an internet connection is all I need to pursue ongoing devs.
The graph approach I'm implementing lets one perform all sorts of analysis and to unearth links and correlations, narrative mapping being a small part of what this allows, this method also facilitating efforts to identify relationships between any two entities. Given Down My Street & Up Yours' (DMSaUY) focus, you can trust that, corporations, NGOs, think tanks, as well as, governmental players and their organisations, are what I focus on, along with the role of each in any narrative that's playing out, or sold as reality. Media outlets of all types are increasingly being added to that, for, without media allies, it's then to my benefit to treat all of these the same way, no matter their stance.
 
Keep in mind that this is being done, in part, to counter the "narrative" approach applied by Western governments in order to censor individuals or clusters delving into narratives the official bodies prefer left alone, for whatever reason. The narratives that are targeted by the government and corporations aren't those that DMSaUY concerns itself over, except to establish relevant contexts.

Any help is awesome and qualifies as "tremendous help", as any support is a clear sign of encouragement, this providing important and powerful 'fuel' for such a project.

Your generosity will help me cover what's needed and offer a small buffer, if I'm to leave with some peace of mind and not find myself struggling for food before I'm able to complete even one story...

In addition to the perks offered with each donation tier, all those who donate will be granted access to exclusive content and site features, as well as being provided the ability to voice aspects or questions you'd like me to tackle or ask.

A big, hearty thank you.

Sold my electric guitar yesterday. That hurt. Especially for the price I got.

Double sigh.

Soldier on…

•       •       •

Julian Assange. Here’s what I think is happening:

The Brits are under huge pressure to extradite him, but they don’t want to be seen as ‘meanies’ and suffer any potential consequences. Meanwhile, the Desperate Dems want to exploit Assange to prop up a deflated Biden hope of re-election, but the military and intelligence establishment have been pressuring the White House heavily because, well, that kind of embarrassing ‘upmanship’ must be punished, leaving the Biden Bunch eager to wait until after elections to extradite him if left with only one option: jail him for life. Which translates into an accelerated death. And even fewer Biden votes...

In the meantime, Assange can just rot some more. Honestly, after all these years, what's a few more months? Not a patient man, that Assange, is that it?

Any which way, the real “meanies” behind it all aren’t the ones likely to receive any public scorn; that anyone should cheer for his extradition, wishing that he receives a life sentence... there's something wrong with you 

•       •       •

That suicide note, I didn’t post it because I’m looking for pity. It’s because I’ve moments of “Holy shit! What am I doing?!” that, combined with the ‘aloneness’ with which I make this leap—and everything else—had a way of suddenly swinging my emotional pendulum into the dark, and my thoughts, composings, and planning back to tweaks and acts revolving around that ‘note’.

Best way to kill it was to post it publicly. And it's also the best way to put the complaints they usually carry into a relevant and far less drastic context.

As all other content creators will acknowledge, I’m sure, the mere act of doing so forces one to make a more lucid, more self-critical, and more broadly contextualized assessment of what one is making available to all.

That said, seems I can be quite the melodrama queen. "Insignificant", boo-hoo. I'm full of shit, aren't I?

 I’m in a bad bind, but that’s about it; I still have my health, head, and limbs, etc. Compared to Gazans, including the Burmese and Congolese, they sorta make me feel embarrassed to be complaining about my current 'state'. In a better world, 7-Oct would have waited until 16-Mar-2024 so the proper and warranted global attention can be brought to my case!

People! Aren't you paying attention?! I'm white. And educated. With blue eyes, and grey hair, but post-blond ones! Are you really gonna let this happen? Where's your sense of humanity?

What's that? Oh, bloody hell! Fine. Take care of the Gazans first as you allow society to degrade further.

And so, perhaps more appropriate would have been: If I had to do it again… I’d pay my fucking rent!

Of course, when you’re in that dark well, it’s not so easy to see things as clearly, while, nonetheless, it’s easy to say, but having the ‘will’, alone, doesn’t grant one the power to print money.

However, there’s much I could have done differently; simply, I could see no reason to go through all that again to be, most probably, miserable “during” to then be forced into an “after” that were to dump me at an identical “before” that brought me no further, and no closer to where I’d like to be.  I forced the issue, clearly; unconsciously at first but very consciously afterwards, albeit with a “if, or else” conditional clause setting one of two next steps. The third, the one I’m embarking on now, had appeared wholly unviable and not worth considering seriously.

Untill, I faced the abyss, the clock counting down past the 16-hours-to mark… it’d be so very hard to describe what occurred and what I glimpsed, but I was jolted back to a sober place that made that third option a complete no-brainer I’d be completely brainless to avoid.

It's official!

If I were to not do this now, I’d assuredly die here in my increasingly shrinking and darkening 3rd-floor hole, and probably far too many years too early.

I'm feeling increasingly invigorated. Excited 

My only real concern is the fact that I'm out 'on the streets' in mid-March, which is sure to deliver nasty winter weather still, it coming in the form of at least one heavy snow storm. I'd do some camping each May with music-fanatic friends, all of us meeting up at the annual, world-renown Festival international de musique actuelle de Victoriaville (FIMAV) for the 33 to 35 'new music' concerts spread over 4 days—always a mind blowing experience, which I'll probably miss again this year, though I'm now wondering if someone is slated to cover it for AAJ... maybe I can get a free pass in exchange for a write up?  That'd be nice, but forces me to stay in Quebec until late May. But, anyhow, my point was: nights can be real cold still that late in the year if camping.

Working on a few things for here in between readying my stuff for sale... more news soon.