Lease Cancelled; Thirteen Days to Take Off

Posted: Mar 3, 2024   8:18:00 AM   |   Last updated: Mar 5, 2024   10:35:27 AM
by Pascal-Denis Lussier

PDL prof

Sold my electric guitar yesterday. That hurt. Especially for the price I got.

Double sigh.

Soldier on…

•       •       •

Julian Assange. Here’s what I think is happening:

The Brits are under huge pressure to extradite him, but they don’t want to be seen as ‘meanies’ and suffer any potential consequences. Meanwhile, the Desperate Dems want to exploit Assange to prop up a deflated Biden hope of re-election, but the military and intelligence establishment have been pressuring the White House heavily because, well, that kind of embarrassing ‘upmanship’ must be punished, leaving the Biden Bunch eager to wait until after elections to extradite him if left with only one option: jail him for life. Which translates into an accelerated death. And even fewer Biden votes...

In the meantime, Assange can just rot some more. Honestly, after all these years, what's a few more months? Not a patient man, that Assange, is that it?

Any which way, the real “meanies” behind it all aren’t the ones likely to receive any public scorn; that anyone should cheer for his extradition, wishing that he receives a life sentence... there's something wrong with you 

•       •       •

That suicide note, I didn’t post it because I’m looking for pity. It’s because I’ve moments of “Holy shit! What am I doing?!” that, combined with the ‘aloneness’ with which I make this leap—and everything else—had a way of suddenly swinging my emotional pendulum into the dark, and my thoughts, composings, and planning back to tweaks and acts revolving around that ‘note’.

Best way to kill it was to post it publicly. And it's also the best way to put the complaints they usually carry into a relevant and far less drastic context.

As all other content creators will acknowledge, I’m sure, the mere act of doing so forces one to make a more lucid, more self-critical, and more broadly contextualized assessment of what one is making available to all.

That said, seems I can be quite the melodrama queen. "Insignificant", boo-hoo. I'm full of shit, aren't I?

 I’m in a bad bind, but that’s about it; I still have my health, head, and limbs, etc. Compared to Gazans, including the Burmese and Congolese, they sorta make me feel embarrassed to be complaining about my current 'state'. In a better world, 7-Oct would have waited until 16-Mar-2024 so the proper and warranted global attention can be brought to my case!

People! Aren't you paying attention?! I'm white. And educated. With blue eyes, and grey hair, but post-blond ones! Are you really gonna let this happen? Where's your sense of humanity?

What's that? Oh, bloody hell! Fine. Take care of the Gazans first as you allow society to degrade further.

And so, perhaps more appropriate would have been: If I had to do it again… I’d pay my fucking rent!

Of course, when you’re in that dark well, it’s not so easy to see things as clearly, while, nonetheless, it’s easy to say, but having the ‘will’, alone, doesn’t grant one the power to print money.

However, there’s much I could have done differently; simply, I could see no reason to go through all that again to be, most probably, miserable “during” to then be forced into an “after” that were to dump me at an identical “before” that brought me no further, and no closer to where I’d like to be.  I forced the issue, clearly; unconsciously at first but very consciously afterwards, albeit with a “if, or else” conditional clause setting one of two next steps. The third, the one I’m embarking on now, had appeared wholly unviable and not worth considering seriously.

Untill, I faced the abyss, the clock counting down past the 16-hours-to mark… it’d be so very hard to describe what occurred and what I glimpsed, but I was jolted back to a sober place that made that third option a complete no-brainer I’d be completely brainless to avoid.

It's official!

Lease cancelation

If I were to not do this now, I’d assuredly die here in my increasingly shrinking and darkening 3rd-floor hole, and probably far too many years too early.

I'm feeling increasingly invigorated. Excited 

My only real concern is the fact that I'm out 'on the streets' in mid-March, which is sure to deliver nasty winter weather still, it coming in the form of at least one heavy snow storm. I'd do some camping each May with music-fanatic friends, all of us meeting up at the annual, world-renown Festival international de musique actuelle de Victoriaville (FIMAV) for the 33 to 35 'new music' concerts spread over 4 days—always a mind blowing experience, which I'll probably miss again this year, though I'm now wondering if someone is slated to cover it for AAJ... maybe I can get a free pass in exchange for a write up?  That'd be nice, but forces me to stay in Quebec until late May. But, anyhow, my point was: nights can be real cold still that late in the year if camping.

Working on a few things for here in between readying my stuff for sale... more news soon. 

Posted 3 months ago  Last updated: Mar 5, 2024, 10:35 AM


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