Countdown Done. Gone Homeless

Well, here we are.

I’m getting ready to take off into the night, slipping away, leaving pretty much everything behind. A lifetime. Gone.

All kitchen goods, from pots and pans to food processor to professional knives, Corningware, dishes, utensils, and my cappuccino machine... Shirts and shoes and suits, too. Plus my books. And all my personal goods. All my photos. Accumulated knick knacks. Souvenirs from my travels. Gifts from family and friends...  

I'm trying to fool myself into seeing this event as if my place burned down, took everything, and I happened to let my insurance lapse (though I didn't). 

And, so, I leave all behind, armed with only $78.

It's been so very upsetting to find myself negotiating on already ridiculously low prices. For example, I'd hoped to sell my washer and dryer for $50 each or $80 for both, which is a great bargain at that price, as both are in great working order. I ended up selling both for $40. Yet, if I'd wanted to replace them, I'd probably end up spending over $1,000.

Sigh.

I did have real low moments today, suddenly bursting into tears several times throughout the day. I forced myself to snap out of it right away. Not sink into sadness.

But it's hard. So very much.

The only event this brings to mind is the time I was forced to make the call, pulling the plug on my mum's life support. Then, like now, I didn't feel I had choice. It was a matter of acceptance.

That said, while going through everything, I was reminded that I still have her ashes. They're sealed in a special baggie, resting in a rigid cardboard box with her name on it. I still didn't know what to do with them. Leaving them behind doesn't feel right. A person's ashes are far heavier than most would assume, and I've limited space, taking only what I can carry in my backpack... but, as silly as it may sound, I'd hate myself if I didn't take her along, finally releasing her ashes somewhere special I know she'd love. 

I've been piggybacking off of my neighbour's wifi this past week. I don't know when I'll be able to log in again, nevermind posting. The battery on my laptop is kaput, requiring that I plug it in to use it; I was really hoping to make enough from selling my stuff to buy a replacement battery, but alas.

And, as my luck would have it, today I received a whole whack of emails from interested buyers hoping to come by this weekend...

Sigh.

I'm so very fed up. A bit of joy; feeling like I've a purpose.

It's all I ask.