My Street Changing Course

The last few days prior to last Sunday—Mother’s Day—those were, undoubtedly, real rough ones worthy of their own post, ditto for these last weeks, these being the least fun of all possible roller coasters, emotional or otherwise; my life since last December has been nothing but hellish.

Actually, that’s pretty much true since the early months of COVID, the contract I was to work on having been cancelled and a sudden health issue having made me more vulnerable and needing to be isolated all the more. There’s not much I experienced that came anywhere to what anyone would qualify as “joyful” since then, which could also be said for a bit over the last decade. I won’t iterate the reasons why, having already mentioned many of them in a special “About Me” post (that’s no longer publicly accessible), but one could hardly be blamed for suspecting that I may have pissed off some god given the turn of bad luck I’ve been constantly hit with. Even when I thought I’d found my footing again and landed a good job once more, it turned out to be a painful dud in one way or another, usually through some type of abuses that worked me to the ground, always placing me in a conflict with one or more long-time employees who saw what I represented as a threat to their own, ass-grabbing laziness and personal indulgences, hence, to their 'job' security.

That said, relaunching DMS&UY had provided a release and respite, as well as a freedom of sorts; the site was, eventually, shaped into a meaningful goal that helped me focus, stay positive… though that, too, delivered intense ups and downs, the financial straights I’ve found myself in since COVID, with the eleven months of relief provided by what was an ideal job to allow me to keep working “full-time” on my project coming to an abrupt end following a wide-scale layoff. The pay for that job had been good but far from great, as it was its demands and work hours that had made it a fantastic match. The abrupt end left me with having to manage a super-tight and dwindling budget that covered my basic necessities and nothing else, each unplanned-for-expense that reared its head serving up another threat to both my basic comforts and DMS&UY’s continuity and longevity.  

•       •       •

Albeit my ability to keep these low, there are, nonetheless, unavoidable costs associated with the type of project and developments that DMS&UY represents.

The instability I faced meant that I wasn’t always able to cover these, thus being forced to take several steps backwards at times, or to have the long hours of work I’d done suddenly turn to naught, losing precious data or my ability to do any work on the site at all as I was at the whim of companies who, as far as I was concerned, cared about collecting their monthly or annual fees, and about little else. Having had my Internet periodically suspended—as is the case right now, relying on only 20 gigs of mobile data—certainly didn’t help, but it did allow me to better acquaint myself with my local library and its free Wi-Fi.

•       •       •

Last December, with all that I was going through, an acute, severely-painful dental issue adding itself to my lot, not able to afford even ibuprofen as I already had a real hard time simply feeding myself, going days with just a single meal in me, all of it amidst the hollowness and loneliness that the holiday season now represents for me, having lost all family members and finding myself navigating this cruel world all alone, losing DMS&UY, not being able to cover the $297 required to cover the hosting fees, well, I’d hit a limit, grew severely suicidal.

All the evidence suggests that the multitude of media folks preferred sitting back, watch and wait; not one reached out. 

And when I needed just $7 to cover my monthly hosting fees for April—the cheapest way to "invest" in an ally as I would have been deeply grateful—not one who reads me regularly even offered.

What’s clear is that, in a way, if such a context were to present itself again, these same media folks would prefer ‘covering’ gladiator sports, giving the play-by-play description of those put to death, eaten by lions, rather than to take any action that may help prevent those deaths.

Shame on all of you.

•       •       •

I haven’t a clear clue why, but the media sphere has collectively decided to treat me as a non-person, it seems, thus making me the most widely read non-entity, apparently.

The field-wide inability to even send the most basic of replies to an email enquiry is mind boggling; not even showing the most basic level of common decency and professionalism, it’s a first for me, and it says something real ugly about media folks, in my opinion.

•       •       •

Since then, I’ve come really close to winding up on the streets, being homeless.

Faced with that reality, my plan was to head out West and to work in Banff for the summer, as work there is usually easy to find during the height of the tourist season, and most jobs offer lodging as most come from out of town, only moving to Banff to work there for the summer, thus attracting many students, as a girlfriend and I had done some 32 years ago.

Not ideal, but I figured it’d be better than roaming the streets of Montreal, avoiding the rough and violent world associated with being homeless in a large city. Plus, I’ve long dreamed of selling all my goods and freely travelling the world; writing about those ensuing adventures is something that appealed to me in a way, hence why I wasn’t as bummed out about having to face such a situation as most would assume I’d be, or find themselves to be if forced into a similar predicament.

•       •       •

My landlord, an angel of sorts, offered to pay for the airfare to get me out west. I had signed an agreement stating that I was moving out by 15-March. In the night of the 14th to the 15th, I was going to “sneak out”, forced to leave almost all my belongings behind; a lifetime, accumulated, and, simply abandoned. I had no choice.

As luck would have it, things didn’t work out that way and, being still here in the early afternoon, stretching my stay until the end of the day as, early in the morning, emails had come in from buyers clearly hoping to take advantage of my situation and assuring me several dollars more in my pockets before leaving for good, my landlord showed up.

I apologised for having to leave him with all my goods still in the place. He asked me if I had a place to go to, to which I replied, “No, nowhere.”

He instantly gave me another month. Oddly, I wasn’t comfortable with his offer; he’d already been real kind, and I owed him several months of rent at that point.

We talked for a bit, and I explained my plan to hitchhike out West, telling him that, if I were able to make it to Banff, I’d surely find a job and lodging, this allowing me to regain some footing and start a new life.

About a week after I’d told him my plan and he agreed to give me an additional month, for free, he offered to pay for my plane ticket out west if I still didn’t find a job, as the idea of me hitchhiking out there didn’t sit right with him; it made him uncomfortable, and he was worried something bad would happen to me.

I had found a job, but one that only started in early to mid-June. My landlord agreed to let me keep the apartment, as, anyhow, he more than likely wouldn’t be able to rent it out to anyone until the start of July.

The lack of a clear starting date worried me, and the work wasn’t anything that I could feel passionate about anyway, while I’d also started looking forward to a drastic change, being fed up with events here and the type of luck that seemed to plague my life.

On Saturday, 11-May, I told him I was set on leaving, getting ready to clear the apartment in the upcoming week.

That night, the offer for my current AI modelling job came in; I became aware of in the morning, on Mother’s Day. I emailed him the next day and told him about it, and that I were to speak with them Monday morning, that particular discussion sure to leave me with a clear answer. 

•       •       •

I'm aware that my views regarding current events and politics aren't popular ones, always running counter to the main 'narrative'. But one thing people have to realize is that I put in a min of 20 times more research than most, and, expressed through DMS&UY, use my skills to scan and aggregate news from across the globe, which I then apply statistical methods to, arriving at data-driven and fact-based narratives, refusing to push the BS-filled, Western-focused, Military Industrial Complex-serving plot. I hate ideologues.

What pisses me off the most through all of this, is that only (non-news) corporations seem to see the real, true value in any of that, hence why, after being more than willing to give up everything—literally—I'm now willing to "rent out" my skills and instincts back to profit-focused corporations.

The one, hard lesson I've retained from the project I had focused on and tried to get funding for these past 2.5 years: All that matters is "Me, Myself, and Money," and "Fuck the Revolution".

People say they want change... but, really, they don't.

•       •       •

I’ve already started the new job.

The offer came out of the blue, having applied and gone through the steps over a month ago but with no answer. The day prior, 14 hours before it came in, I’d told my landlord that I’d made up my mind and that I was preparing to vacate the apartment.

I’d already sold many of my goods, which means I now need to re-equip myself, though not fully; I’ve way too much stuff, and purging did me good, I think, allowing me to weed out all the things I never or barely used and to thin out and air out my place.

There are a few things I’m sad about having sold, such as a few antiques, a couple of watches, Montblanc and Waterman pens I’d collected, a handcrafted commode, as well as a genuine, hand-woven Afghan rug I absolutely loved, all sold at insane “bargain” prices.

As far as usage goes, however, the things I “miss” the most are my microwave oven, as well as my washer and dryer.

And I’ll surely want to replace my air-conditioning unit ASAP.

•       •       •

The firm being in the US and the salary n USD, I’m now making just under six figures per year.

Seeing how eager they are to fast-track my progress within the company, I should be well into the six figures within the next 6 to 12 months.

I’m going to keep the site alive, now being amply able to afford the costs, including those required to cover the dev-related software licenses, as well as the supplementary server, and computational costs associated with the type of devs I’ve keenly looked forward to roll out in order to make a real difference for independents, hoping to level the playing field, so to speak.

However, I’m not sure I’ll have much time to devote to any of that now, not in a timely manner, which brings me back to the slow progress I was forced to make anyhow, but with my own situation incomparably better than it were while focusing on just that. Hence, DMS&UY is sure to turn into a coding playpen, offering only the occasional humorous piece.     

It'll be a few months before then, having accumulated quite a few debts, but, now that I’ll be in a better position to do so:

Why should I donate a single penny to any independent media outlet?

Why should I encourage or help promote any of them?

Why should I talk about any of these in a positive light?

•       •       •

I’ve had to return to Verdun quite a bit recently, which is the borough next to the one where I now live, living there, closer to the river’s edge, before being forced to move. To say that the place is “overrun” with Hindus is an understatement. Rather than adding to the one that was located in Parc-Ex, in the northern part of Montreal, another Hindu-centric diaspora has formed in Verdun. You can’t walk two blocks without encountering at least 20 of them.

I stopped at a Tim Horton’s located right by McGill University last week; out of 12 employees present, 12 of them were Hindus.

Last night, two Indians on opposite sides of the street were conversing loudly in a dialect of their country, both clearly audible from my third-floor living room. And I live in what has long been—for historical reasons, not racist ones—one of the more “Québecois” areas of Montreal, with very few ethnic groups present until the last decade or so.   

A park near my place is increasingly filled with groups of Hindu men sitting at picnic tables, eating junk food, drinking soda pop, and talking loudly. Many of them leave a mess of litter when they leave. If these were Canadians doing anything remotely similar in India, they’d surely be attacked and branded as “terrorists”.  

So, every time someone like Gravitas’ Palki Sharma opens her mouth to spread her bigotry and BS, serving up the Hindutva-benefitting, RSS-approved anti-Canada disinformation about Hindus fearing for their lives under the maple leaf flag, a mari usque ad mare, all the more convinced I become that “bitch” is the only apt qualifier for someone like her.  

Initially seeing her as a solid voice that could break through the Western, Military-Industrial Complex serving BS, it’s not as if I haven’t been real fair with her—or others—trying to understand things from her point of view, but, given the point I’ve reach and her move from WION to the Reliance-owned Firstpost, and all the lies she readily spread since, please give me just one good, valid reason why I should see her as anything other than opportunistic, money-obsessed, highly-racist human trash?

Indeed, there’s a type of person I’ve little respect for but that I’m OK with providing they stay out of the news and info business.

She, like so many in media, is but an overpaid, self-obsessed, propagandist; it’s what she’s proven herself to be, period. And, within the context of media, there are landfills that deserve more respect than her husband. Real garbage, the pair, is what they seem happy with establishing themselves as.

She’s not alone. When all’s said and done, someone like Tucker Carlson also comes to mind.

Western media certainly has their fair share of garbage, especially, though not limited to, anything that’s dedicated to rightwing ideologues and ideologies, the dizzyingly stupid ones—clear, immoral grifters—being the ones telling their viewers that Biden is a “communist”. Irredeemable idiots is what these people are. That they’ve managed to make millions in the media world showcases just how “far gone” we’ve become. 

•       •       •

I’ve come to see most “indies” as a real joke, nearly all of them being nothing more than tribal ideologues no matter how much they may say otherwise. Though with some merit due and some good coming from them, on occasion, how is an outlet like TYT anything other than a major BS-ing operation? Because Cenk Uygur says it isn’t?! Yeah, right.

There are some I’ve true respect for, these probably not being any of those that people would name if I were to ask them to guess. Breakthrough News is one, and, with some fluctuation, Status Coup is another given what they’ve made their focus in the last year, as is Vijay Prashad’s outfit (whose name I won’t mention, being reluctant to even mention him given how quickly Modi is to take down any outlet that doesn’t bend to his will). Of course, Chris Hedges will always top my list. There are a few others, but, like I said, they’re probably not the ones you’re thinking of.

And, while I’m at it: only the dumbest of dumbasses can see any value whatsoever in the two twits, Zac and Gavin, that are behind The Vanguard.

Indeed, Glenn Greenwald, claiming to be a fan of both, keeps sliding downward despite some of his good and important work.

•       •       •

Indies that serve up ‘headlines’ like: “Report: Dems SCHEMING To SUPPRESS and EVADE Convention Protests” or “Carville ADMITS Trump Is WINNING In DESPARATE RANT”, are ones I can no longer take seriously for several reasons, a major one being the types of attacks that invariably fill most of their efforts.  

Their willingness to play such games betrays an eagerness to pander to all that those entities they claim not wanting to be a part of. Do they honestly think that breaking the regular, professional journalism and copywriting conventions through such asinine efforts actually represents a break outside of the conventions?!

Albeit I find such use of all-caps truly annoying and childish, it’s not the all-caps themselves that truly annoys me, it’s what it represents.

It demonstrates how friggin’ clueless they truly are, and just how pathetically dependent on those that control the flow of info they actually are, and just how keen they are on

Because I tried to get the attention of those who can play an important role, having gained the needed momentum, and because I refused to kiss ass and play the games that confirm one’s role as little more than a cog in the media machine, I got absolutely nowhere within that sphere…

•       •       •

That I’m willing to walk away when, not too long ago, I was willing to sacrifice everything I had; that I’m willing to return to selling my skills and instincts to corporations again—so they can sell you their products and services—rather than being able to play a role amongst true allies who truly want to make a difference, establish real change, it tells me just how little genuine awareness regarding info and data media people have, along with the complete lack of foresight and forethought that plagues the field.

As such, so, these fake ‘rebels’ will always be one step behind, bending to those who control the datasphere and who set the norms and standards, these “media” people not being bright enough to seize on the opportunity that the current window provided us all with.  

And no, I don’t think most media heads are idiots, but I’ve not come across many I’d truly qualify as “real smart”.